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Volume 12 Week 5

Mondday, May 19


 

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Updated Aug. 21

Updated July 22

Posted July 24


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A (hopefully)
temporary hiatus

 

So I haven’t posted in over a month now, and I’ve been procrastinating on writing this post mostly because I haven’t given it any thought as I mentally checked out weeks ago. I also spent 11 days in beautiful Alberta a couple weeks ago, which is another reason I disappeared.

I’ve decided to take the summer off of writing on my blog for a number of reasons. First and foremost, I’m finding I’ve temporarily lost my love for writing. My hope is to take the summer off and be intentional in devoting time to writing things I don’t usually write, both for personal use and potentially to publish here come fall. Another reason, which could be part of the reason for me not loving writing, is simply that I’m exhausted and worn out. The past two years have without a doubt been the hardest of my entire life, and though the good days are incomparable to the bad ones, the bad days still come, and I’m still dealing with my past and all of its many demons.

I’d also like to be a better person to walk with. Though I always will strive to be real and vulnerable, even when it looks ugly, I also know my bitterness and jadedness comes through in my writing–more than I want it to. Until I am better healed and able to think and write in a more positive and uplifting way, I think my words are better off not being on a public forum. I cannot imagine I’ll quit entirely talking about abuse, church, etc., but I’d like to talk about it in ways where underlying anger doesn’t inevitably come through, and I’d like it to be in a way where I can offer tangible ideas on how we can improve. I don’t want to come across as though I’m just venting with disappointment and then fail to suggest a better path. I don’t want to shine a light on problems without being able to give effective ways to help and change things.

I’m desperately in love with life again, and I’d love for that to show in my writing, and right now it doesn’t.

This is also simply a matter of self-care. Though a significant part of my reason for taking a break is because I feel I cannot properly service my readers in a positive and inspiring way, I also need to take my own self-care advice and walk away for a while. When your heart is wounded and feels wide open, the internet is just kind of scary as hell. Especially when your writing is so vulnerable, because unfortunately I cannot control who comes on this site and who comments. I cannot control the harsh and damaging words people wish to have me hear and I certainly cannot control the twitter attacks. I won’t be able to control any of that when I return either, but I hope to be healthier so I can let things roll off my back better without getting overwhelmed so easily.

My hope while I am gone is that I regain my passion and adoration for writing and that I’m able to exercise extraordinary love for both myself and those who are in my life. Sometimes we can get so caught up in helping those online we miss those who are physically beside us, and that’s not something I want to be guilty of anymore.

Because of my commitment to Bedlam Magazine, and because I believe deeply in what they are doing there, you can still find my writing over there twice a month–even throughout the summer. When my writing is published there, I will be sure to post it on my twitter and facebook page for those who are interested. (After all, my writing is still my writing, no matter the forum.)

A heartfelt thank you to those who have journeyed with me this far, and I look forward to returning in a little while. In the mean time, happy summer.

:)

(Rebekah Richardson is a young up and coming writer and contributor to OrleansOnline.ca. She has a regular blog which can be found at www.withhishands.ca.)

 

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