It was late January, frigid outside, while the California Cabernet was flowing inside. I said to the boss: “Babe, the market is hot, let’s sell the house.” We hummed, we hawed, went away on vacation, and came back.
Then it was a quick paint job, a visit from the stager to rearrange everything and make our home look like a bunch of overly obsessive alien neat freaks live in it, the video-photo dude snapping a gazillion midday southern exposure sunshine pics for the realtor’s website and installing the home showing app on our iPhones.
The rest was a three-week blur. The “FOR SALE” sign went up, visits came next, one offer, two, and by Easter, sold! Ba da bing, ba do boom, easy peazy, lemon squeezy. Piece of cake, right? Ah, no.
Let us be frank, the process of selling your home invites karma. You take good care of your home because it is one of, it not the most important, investment decisions of your life. But, as noted above, you sell your home as a fantasy to its next owner with your stager, photographer, and realtor all complicit in the illusion.
Neither you, nor the next owner, have ever nor will ever experience empty kitchen counters, spotless floors, beds with forever washed Egyptian cotton sheets, sparkling white disinfected bathrooms, blinding stainless steel appliances and chrome fixtures, or colour-sequenced walk-in closets. Not in this lifetime, or the next thousand if you believe in reincarnation.
After ten or twenty years of living in the same place, you accumulate a lot of cr-p and sh… let us just call it stuff.
After reading this column, search “George Carlin” and “stuff” on YouTube; it will be the best five minutes and eight seconds you invest this year. But I digress …
And this is where Karma says, hello, I am here for you, time to pay the price. First, it is the garage sale, getting a measly five dollars for your ten-season Stargate DVD collection or twenty dollars for that $200 shelving unit. Next up, the disconnection and reconnection fees on your utilities and services. Then comes the shock of what it costs to move all the stuff you could not sell or give away along with the boxes you haven’t opened since your last move.
Finally, the realization that it is never over, the purge, pack, and portage cycle will repeat like history itself … ouch.
Yes, the real estate market is still hot, but karma awaits in your MLS listing. So dear seller, not buyer, beware!
SAVED BY THE BELL 90s DANCE PARTY at St. Peter High School on Charlemagne Blvd. featuring DJ Mace, DJ Kam and DJ Bounce from 7 p.m. to midnight. Must be 19+. ID required at the door. This is a fundraising event hosted by the St. Peter High School Parents Council. For advance tickets visit 
CUMBERLAND FARMERS MARKET from 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. at the R.J. Kennedy Arena in Cumberland Village with 85 local farmers and vendors ready to showcase their freshest produce, handmade goods, and unique finds.
90s HITS MUSICAL BINGO 7:30 p.m. at the Orléans Brewing Co. 4380 Innes Rd., next to McDonalds. Hosted by Shine.
OYSTER NIGHT every Wednesday from 6-9 pm at the Orléans Brewing Co. Two types of oysters served with lemon, Tobasco, horseradish, salt and mignonette. The Orléans Brewing Co. is located at 4380 Innes Rd., next to McDonalds.
ORLEANS FARMERS MARKET every Thursday from 11 am to 4 pm in the parking lot at the Ray Friel Recreation Centre on Tenth Line Road. Shop the freshest seasonal produce, meat and dairy, baked goods, prepared foods, crafts and more while getting to know the folks who grew and made it.
